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BANDAGE BLOGGAGEI Sh*t You Not... July 03 The Fine Art of Felony Stupid The Fine Art of Felony Stupid Sometimes I know I can seem a bit unsympathetic with my write-ups here -Ok, maybe a little more than sometimes- but, believe it or not, I do feel some degree of sympathy in many of these cases. This is particularly true of today's story. Crystal Defanti is a 5th grade teacher at Isabelle Jackson Elementary school in Elk Grove California. Based strictly on the details of this story, I would say she's an excellent, conscientious teacher with great affection for her class and a strong sense of community spirit, as well as a sound sense of decency. Crystal, however, had a bit of an 'oops' a few days ago. In keeping with her love of the job and affection for her kids, she put together a DVD compiling video memories of the class throughout this past school year. Satisfied with this loving tribute (albeit perhaps too easily), she sent copies of the DVD to each of the families of her students. Unfortunately however, it turns out that Crystal's editing skills weren't quite up to par. In creating the DVD, she apparently made use of a previously recorded tape which included some personal -very personal- activities. As one of the parents described it: "It goes from my son, straight to her on the couch," Ouch... Honestly Crystal, I sincerely feel for you. Being the decent person that she is, Crystal went ahead and made as many tearful phone calls as she could in order to recall the DVD as quickly as possible. The school and the official authorities do acknowledge that this was a mistake and are neither pressing charges nor does it appear that Crystal will be losing her job. A defense expert who was questioned on the legal nature of this incident probably puts it best by saying: "It's felony stupid, but it's not a crime," ...'Felony Stupid'... Well doesn't that just about sum up what The Bloggage is all about? I swear if I'd managed to come up with that myself, I'd change the subtitle on this blog right now. I'm going to have to consider using it anyway, -maybe as a name for my goldfish. Source: http://cbs13.com/local/teacher.porn.dvd.2.1068250.html July 02 Naked Ambition Naked Ambition Well, after yesterday's story, I'm happy to say that I've got something a bit more light-hearted today. I hope you like this one because, while I found it pretty funny, there are parts that just burn my butt. David Taylor was hired by a particular design and marketing company over in England to help them with their trust issues. Apparently he's one of these team-building professionals and is technically considered a 'business psychologist'. In this particular instance, David had a brainstorm of an idea that works off of the traditional 'Casual Friday' idea. He suggested that it would reveal people's inner selves, expose their deeper issues, and honestly unveil their flaws to each other so that they could work with more trust and sincerity. His idea was to have everyone come to work naked. Surprisingly enough (at least to me -at first), the story reports that nearly all the staff agreed to participate, even though the excercise was entirely voluntary! Now this may seem like an interesting idea at first glance but let me say up front that I don't like it. I'm 41 years old and I work in an office where the average age is around 45 or so. I've seen these people with clothes on and I am NOT looking any further below the surface. Nevertheless, the office manager in the story, 23-year-old Sam Jackson, says that she wasn't ashamed and believes: "We're all beautiful, whether we've got big bodies or small ones." Hmmmm, I don't think so. Fail. -But hey, that's just my opinion, right? OK but maybe the people in this office are all young and beautiful or especially open-minded or something. I mean, while there were some initial inhibitions, everyone did ultimately go with it. Different strokes for different folks? Well, don't go all 'rainbow' on me just yet. There are a couple more details here. Remember that the story says 'nearly all of the staff' agreed to go naked; nearly all that is except for one or two of the ladies (one or two? Which was it?) who decided to wear black underwear instead. So all of the ladies went naked except for this 'one or two'... Well actually... The only woman who went naked was Sam, the office manager -and probably the one whose idea it was to hire David in the first place. So to sum up, in an office with only 2 (or 3) women in it, all the guys and their boss agreed to come in naked for a full work day. As you can tell, it all seems a bit awkward and disgusting to me. On the other hand, I must admit that if I were surrounded by a bunch of middle-aged naked guys on the job, I'd probably be focusing on my work with unprecedented intensity. Of course, Dr. David assures us that: "It may seem weird but it works." I'm sure it does, David. I gather you finalize your contracts before starting a job, yes? Source: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/5718984/Staff-strip-naked-to-improve-morale.html July 01 The Premeditated Oops! The Premeditated Oops! OK I’ve got one today that’s a bit… grim. I normally stay away from stuff like this but I couldn’t resist on this one. I actually had to take an extra day to figure out why I should write on it and how I would do so. Here goes nothing. This is the sad story of David Janus and his two sons, Brian and Kevin. Up until this past Saturday the three men shared a house in Horsham, PA along with David’s wife Patricia. That evening, the two brothers, Brian and Kevin got into an argument over the cable bill which seems to have escalated to the point where Kevin had to leave the house for a while with his mother, Patricia. Just to provide a little more context, arguments between 28-year-old Brian and his younger brother, Kevin were common in the household. Additionally, the story reports that Brian had a history of mental instability. To prepare for the discussion David went upstairs to get a rifle that Kevin kept in his bedroom. He then proceeded to force open a locked cabinet where Kevin kept ammunition for the rifle and loaded it. David then went to the basement to hide the gun that Brian kept down there in a room across from his bedroom. You can probably already see a few things taking shape here. This is a household full of adults where at least two of them kept firearms and at least three of them knew how to use them. Before continuing, let me just tell you that this is not a story about murder. Well, maybe a little bit of 3rd degree murder, but that's it. In any case, you can already see where this is going. David took the loaded rifle down to the basement where he began a discussion with Brian which included a request to have him move out of the house. At some point, David says that Brian began moving toward him and David’s reaction was to raise the gun and point it at Brian at which time ‘the gun went off'. David immediately called 911 to report the incident, admitting right up front that he had shot his son... "...though the Montgomery County District Attorney doesn’t believe the father shot his son intentionally." OK, this is absolutely a very sad story. However... I'm having a little trouble with the definition of 'intentional' here. In a household that was notorious for strife and in which weapons seemed to be the order of the day, David went out of his way to deprive Brian of access to a weapon, brought a loaded weapon of his own, and then pointed the loaded weapon at Brian during an expectedly heated argument -and then the gun 'unintentionally' went off. Reminds me of how I unintentionally put my shoes on in the morning. Oops! If you ask me, this guy needs to have someone unintentionally lose the key to his jail cell, -and isn't the DA supposed to leave the defense arguments to the defense attorney? WTF?! The way this is already going, the trial is sure to be held around Brian's grave with everyone sharing a handkerchief while singing 'Swing Low Sweet Chariot'... Source: http://www.timesherald.com/articles/2009/06/30/news/doc4a49a0a42d005326229135.txt June 30 And the Verdict Is... And the Verdict Is... On this one today, I have to let you know up front that this case is still being tried in court so no verdict has been rendered and no sentence has been handed down. Got it? OK. Keep an open mind here. Dr. Jonathan Chahal was a doctor working at the Royal Liverpool Hospital in England in 2007 where he specialized in treating children in the hospital's emergency room. Dr. Chahal is accused of being less than prudent about his own condition when it came to rendering services to his patients. It seems that the good Doctor was overheard on several occasions giggling loudly in a resuscitation room in the back of the ward. Hearing the giggling, nurses would come in to investigate only to find him standing behind a blue canister with a certain characteristic 'hiss'. This turns out to have been Entonox, an anesthetic which includes nitrous oxide, or what is commonly referred to as 'laughing gas'. According to the testimony, the 33 year old doctor didn't seem to have been very bothered by the fact that he'd been caught in a back room 'huffing', as the saying goes. After being caught in the act on at least three separate occasions, he simply explained to the nurses that it made him 'feel floaty' and persistently invited them to try it for themselves. Incidentally, some of them actually took him up on the offer. I don't know much about this stuff but the story includes the statement that one is not supposed to operate machinery within 12 hours of having used it. Now, admittedly children aren't strictly machinery but remember my rant on 'common sense' a couple of days ago? OK, just making sure. Since you've been keeping an open mind here, let me just conclude by letting you know that Dr. Chahal doesn't deny that these things took place. He simply didn't see a problem with them at the time and 'denies his fitness to practice was impaired'. Seriously. You may now feel free to render judgment as you see fit. Source: http://www.news.com.au/story/0,27574,25711480-401,00.html June 29 Why, God? Why? Why, God? Why? I don't know if you guys have heard or not but we had yet another celebrity death over the weekend. This time it was Billy Mays, the pitchman most famous for selling Oxi-Clean and for his recent TV show 'Pitchmen' which airs on the Discovery channel. Like Michael Jackson, Billy was only 50 years old when he died. 50 is a very young age at which to 'meet your maker'. These days, most people are living well beyond that. As yet, autopsies on each of these men have not revealed all the answers but there's still no denying that these guys are tragically gone way before their time. Meanwhile, you have other people surviving well beyond the age of 50 who really should have been dead long before, even in a world free of the fear that a stronger and more intelligent predator is going to eat you. Ironically enough, this weekend's news gave us two very fine examples of this 'survival of the silliest'. The first is 54-year-old Henry Wideman who, while on a Florida bus this past Thursday, heard 60-year-old James Kiernan tell everyone he'd received a text message that Michael Jackson had just died. Hearing this, the bus driver commented that Michael should have been arrested a long time ago, to which Kiernan objected, saying that the world had lost a great musical talent. Wideman decided this was reason enough to pull out a knife and chase Kiernan through the bus as he wielded it. Thankfully no one was hurt, and Wideman was soon arrested but my question is this; how does one make it to the age of 54 with a tendency to pull out knives over comments like that? Then there's Mieczyskaw Mil who somehow managed to make it to the advanced age of 64 -although no farther. Mil, a resident of Pond Eddy, NY had a power line go down near his house on Friday due to a storm. Even though the powerline, while awaiting repair, was being guarded by the local fire department, a drunken Mieczyskaw decided he needed to investigate. Believe it or not, the firefighters actually had to chase him away from it several times before Mieczyskaw finally managed to get to the line which he then attempted to cut using an industrial saw. He was consequently and fatally electrocuted. Again, 64? How does a guy like this manage to survive to be 64? I'm not suggesting that Billy or Michael had any more right to live than these guys,... -well ok, maybe I am- but we all want to believe in divine justice or kharma or some such thing. Why should I be any different? Sources: http://www.miamiherald.com/news/southflorida/story/1116401.html http://www.buffalonews.com/nationalworld/state/story/717096.html June 28 Passing the BuckPassing the Buck Hey folks. You guys probably know by now what a big fan I am of clipcritics.com. Well, since I'm too talentless and pathetic to come up with something funny regarding Michael Jackson's, Farrah's, and Ed's deaths, I thought I would respectfully leave it in more capable hands. June 27 What if....? What If...? So I'm looking through the news this morning and I see this story out of Dallas, Texas that I can't help but have a little concern over. Yesterday, the Dallas Police arrested William Dale Crock after pulling him over while he was driving a van carrying a casket containing 100 pounds of marijuana. The story goes that the police had been doing surveillance on a suspected drug house and then followed this van as it left the house. According to their report, the police observed Dale not wearing a seat belt, running a red light, and making an improper lane change. They therefore pulled him over to issue the appropriate traffic tickets. It was then that the drug-sniffing dog they happened to have along alerted them to the presence of the pot. That's pretty much the whole story but let me just explain what made me frown here. The story clearly implies that they were expecting to find something in the van. OK, but it also makes it clear that the van was pulled over for traffic violations. What if Dale had turned out to be an exemplary driver? Before you ask, Driving Under the Influence (DUI) was not among the charges for which Dale was jailed so Dale could theoretically have operated entirely within the law as he drove. What then? Was there a backup plan for deploying the pot puppy? I mean, with 100 lbs. of pot in the car, you would think Dale would have been highly motivated to drive carefully. What if he had succeeded? Luckily for us, since the police report clearly states that these violations were in fact observed, this question has been rendered academic. Next time, however, we might not be so lucky... Source: http://www.valleymorningstar.com/news/dallas-54645-stop-yields.html June 26 The Future's Growing Up in Smoke The Future's Growing Up in Smoke I read a story in yesterday’s news that really just bowls me over when it comes to common sense. I know people sometimes use the notion of 'common sense' a little too easily to pass judgment on others but this time, at the risk of being lumped in with the unwashed masses, I feel I’m forced to play that card. Tong Liangliang of Tianjin, China was born with a hernia. According to his father, Tong suffers a great deal of pain as a result and, because of his young age of only 2 years, the hernia cannot yet be treated with an operation. This is all very tragic and Tong’s dad was of course motivated to help Tong find some way of dealing with his pain. Most of us would probably buy some children’s aspirin or simply consult with a doctor and follow his or her instructions. Daddy, however, decided to take another approach. He is proud to say that he has taught Tong how to smoke cigarettes to ease his pain. I’m sure now you’ll be just shocked to hear that the toddler has been increasing the number of cigarettes he smokes per day. It wasn’t until realizing this that Dad found smoking to be a less than perfect solution. Well, can you blame him? At first glance, who could possibly foresee problems with giving a controlled substance and a pack of matches to a 2-year-old? Tong is now smoking a pack a day and –surprise, surprise- screams and throws himself on the floor if he’s not given a cigarette when he asks for it. Can you imagine? A smoker who's two years old having a tantrum? Who would've thunk it? At this point, I can only have one question for Dad: Do you know where your matches are? Source: http://www.news.com.au/story/0,27574,25689021-401,00.html June 23 Crime and Etiquette Crime and Etiquette Hey, here’s how we might take a few more baby steps in the direction of that perfect Utopia that Plato always used to go on about. 27 year old John Maxwell Newall was just coming off a 4 day methamphetamine binge last week when he decided that he needed money. He then used this assessment to justify the robbery of a gas station in Tasmania, Australia. John started by walking up to the register at the service station and simply telling the attendant that he wanted the money. The attendant however, pointed out that John wasn’t carrying a weapon of any kind, and explained that in order for him to feel coerced into handing over the money, the attendant really needed to feel that his life was threatened. I’m not kidding; this is exactly how the conversation went. John then waited a few moments until a paying customer walked in, bought an item and the attendant opened the register to complete the transaction. At that point, John walked over to the register, reached in, and took $400 while saying that he was very sorry and had no choice. After engaging in this unusually polite crime John then went to McDonald’s for a burger and spent the rest of the money playing the poker machines at a casino. Oh well, so much for ‘needing’ the money I guess. Anyway, let me just interject here to say that if crime is going to be an inescapable component of society, then let’s face it, this isn’t a bad way to go, right? I mean, sure, John got caught but that happened because he was identified on camera. That would have worked to catch him anyway and it would have been a lot worse for him if he’d been assaultive in committing his crime, particularly with a weapon. Anyway, Judge Alan Blow sentenced John yesterday for his ‘crime lite’, giving him 2 months on top of time he was already serving for other offenses. Don’t you just wonder though what else would constitute a crime for this guy? Well, you’ll probably know it if other criminals start following John’s example. You’ll likely see trends of people stealing sugar for their afternoon tea, waiting in hiding to invite the neighbors over for dinner, or even breaking and entering to leave presents for children… Hmm… Is it me or does that last one already ring a bell?... Source: http://www.themercury.com.au/article/2009/06/22/80415_indepth-scalesofjustice.html June 22 Buy One Get One Free
Buy One Get One Free Remember that story from last week about a guy calling the
cops to say he’d been robbed by his roommates? When the cops arrived at his
house to investigate, the victim told them there was a meth lab in the house
and that they’d been up all night making the stuff. Remember that? My
issue in that story was that it didn’t seem like it took a whole lot of
work to nab the bad guy and maybe there could be some kind of taxpayer discount,
or rebate or some such thing. Well, today’s story probably belongs in the ‘two-for-one’
bargain bin. Last week, 20 year old Michael Parda of Melbourne, Florida
arranged to meet a buyer who was interested in getting his hands on 2 ounces of
marijuana. In case you’re not in tune with the market these days, that much
pot is apparently going for around $550. As Michael pulled up to the buyer in his car, he took the
money from the buyer, pulled out a gun, and drove off with the cash. Well,
$550 is a lot of money and 2 ounces of pot is a lot of marijuana so, as you
might expect, this left the buyer feeling somewhat… mmm… low? It certainly
couldn’t have been the high
point of his day. Anyway, since our buyer was left feeling somewhat skunked
about his weed, he felt his only recourse was bringing in the Man –I mean,
calling 911. The fuzz promptly crashed the party and rolled over Michael,
laying their hands on the bread, his piece, and 37 grams of smoke. However, since the pigeon never actually got hold of the
herb, there’s a chance he might not get hit with the slammer. Then
again, the Blue Meanies are checking on that and they might still manage to find
a way to keep him down. For his part, Michael says he just didn’t expect
a huuka-huffer to turn whistle-blower. What the hell is wrong with me today? Source: http://www.floridatoday.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2009906190327 June 21 Oh.... VERY Clearly!....Oh.... VERY Clearly!.... Yeah, Yeah, I know it's yet another Youtube video but it's Father's Day! Cut me a break, alright! June 20 I Hope That's Some Awesome Cheese....I Hope That's Some Awesome Cheese.... I absolutely have to give a shoutout to my guildmate James, from Covenant of the Phoenix for this one. What IS it with Europeans anyway? June 19 On the Vagaries and Vicissitudes of the Arts of Venus On the Vagaries and Vicissitudes of the Arts of Venus Today’s story results from a short chain of
inspiration that started with yesterday’s recipe book. That post
resulted in a message from our old friend Lacy. Now admittedly she was just
letting me know that she felt a bit sick but, being the trooper that she is,
she also mentioned yet another recipe book. Since fortune favors the foolish,
I, in turn, was granted a story in today’s news which perfectly
complements Lacy’s reference. Off we go then… Last year, 27 year old Haylie Hocking met the love of her
life at the garage where she was working. She found 30 year old Jason Brake to
be a romantic guy as well as a skilled, considerate lover. Jason, in turn,
seems to have been just as taken with Haylie. Within 6 months, the two had
moved in together and a couple of months after that, Jason bought an engagement
ring and proposed. So far, so good, right? Jason loves Haylie. Haylie loves
Jason. The future looks bright -until Haylie’s friend, Lisa, began
setting up the entertainment for Haylie’s ‘hen’ party. At
that point, among advertisements for male strippers, Lisa came across Jason’s picture. Upon further
investigation, Lisa discovered a video featuring Jason as one of the stars. When he had met Haylie, Jason claimed to be working as a
personal trainer and that his job entailed going away on weekends to train
select clientele. Jason neglected to mention that he was also a movie star in
several action films… for the over 21 crowd… Well, needless to say the wedding is off. We may not be in
a position to mend Haylie’s broken heart but perhaps Lacy’s
reference holds some solace. Haylie, do you feel any urge to mash, slice, or peel select
parts of Jason’s anatomy? Well, believe it or not, there’s a book
out there that will tell you the best possible way to do that. Of course I
can’t endorse any kind of human mutilation here but, if you’re
willing to use a little imagination, this
book is for you! It’s a cookbook with recipes for the very best ways
to prepare a meal using testicles! You might want to check with your friends
first, but maybe that ‘hen’ party doesn’t have to be cancelled after all! I guess the only thing left to say then is... bon apetit? Sources: http://www.thefoodsection.com/appetizers/2008/10/cooking-with-ba.html June 18 What...?! This...! Is This Some Kind of...!!!What...?! This...! Is This Some Kind of...!!! ...Joke? I'm afraid not. Can you set the table please? I think the tissues market is about to crash...  June 17 Everyone Remember to Look Your Best On Picture Day! Everyone Remember to Look Your Best On Picture Day! Here’s a story from last week that somehow escaped my notice. Even if I had noticed it, I’m not sure I would have been able to figure out a good write up any sooner. This story is about one of those incidents that are such a wacky combination of tragedy, humor, hypocrisy, and injustice that it’s hard to even know where to start. To make matters worse, as you can see from my list of characteristics, this issue seems more sad than funny, even to me. Still, there is some funny. A little of it pertains to the victim here but most of it… Well, you’ll see. Shifa Patel is a 28 year old woman who until recently worked at the Al Islah Muslim school for girls in England. She no longer works there because the parents of many of the students believe that an all girl school should not have men working there. What does this have to do with Shifa? The story reports that some of the parents of the girls attending the school don’t believe that Shifa is a woman. They believe that she is actually a man who was working there dressed as a Muslim woman. A petition was recently circulated asking that Shifa provide evidence that she was a woman if she was to continue working at the school. Much to her humiliation, this Shifa did, undergoing a medical exam to have a doctor confirm her gender. Ok, it sucks but that settles it, right? End of story where reasonable people are involved. However… many parents refused to believe the results of the exam and actually assaulted the doors of the school (mob style) insisting that Shifa be dismissed. Although the school supports Shifa, she herself has felt compelled to quit as a result of these parents’ behaviors. Ready for my two cents? WTF is wrong with you parents? This is a school! It’s a center of learning and enlightenment. There’s no beauty contest going on here. Religious education gets handled by unusual looking people all the time! Have you ever looked at the average nun teaching in a Catholic school? But here’s where you really need to hang your heads in disgrace. There doesn’t appear to be any allegation whatsoever of inappropriate conduct. This woman didn’t DO anything to deserve this kind of treatment. On the other hand, you pathetic creatures worked yourselves up into this silly little frenzy to persecute a woman because you don’t like the way she looks. I would absolutely LOVE to see pictures of each and every one of you. Maybe we could all get together for a class picture to commemorate this wonderful triumph in human rights. What do you think? I’m not especially photogenic but surely that will be more than offset by all you perfect hotties. Source: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1192528/Classroom-assistant-Muslim-girls-school-forced-job-parents-believed-man.html June 16 The 30-Minute Guarantee The 30-Minute Guarantee When you read fictional crime stories, the criminals always
seem to have complex plans that are both subtle and far-reaching. Yet,
when I read the news, I see so many of the proverbial ‘stupid
criminal’ stories. Why is that? Don’t get me wrong. I’m not in law
enforcement myself but I believe those guys definitely have one of the hardest
jobs in our world. It’s just that somebody needs to do a little
‘Public Relations’ work here. Some stories shouldn’t get
it into the news because they make it seem like we’re paying top dollar
prices for bargain basement detective work. Take this story for
example… This past Sunday Morning, 33 year old Billy Floyd Norris of Hanceville, Alabama
woke to find that he’d been robbed by his roommates –or at least,
that’s how he saw it. The story doesn’t elaborate on why, but
Billy was convinced enough to have the police come by and take a look. The responding officers did take a look around but report
that they weren’t able to figure out what had been robbed. Then
again, this might have been due more to distraction than anything else.
The reason for this is that they quickly ‘discovered’ that
Billy and his alleged friends had a working meth lab set up in the house.
Billy also told the police that they had just been up all night producing the
stuff. For that matter, the lab was still cooking meth when the officers responded to Billy’s
call. As you can see, the word ‘discovered’ is being
somewhat loosely applied here. The story actually states that
“during the course of the investigation of the alleged robbery, Norris told officers there was a meth lab at the
location.” You can read the story itself for the rest of the details
but my point here is that while this story might have some entertainment value,
it also illustrates two things: 1) It seems to show that the allegation
of robbery was more or less ignored, and 2) it also shows that apprehending
this particular criminal didn’t require any real work. Billy arranged
for his arrest as easily as if he was ordering a pizza. He provided the
police with everything from notification to hard evidence to an admission of
guilt. I just can’t help but feel like there should be a
special low-budget task force for this kind of stuff: something like the
‘low end’ version of a SWAT team. We could maybe call them
the Come And Get Everything team -or CAGE team for short. They would then
be required to have the criminal behind bars within 30 minutes or there would
be no charge to the taxpayers. What do you think? Source: http://www.cullmantimes.com/local/local_story_165153640.html June 14 How Can You Stand for This?How Can You Stand For This? Ok, I loved the flag day video so much, I had to go to clipcritics.com and check them out. Little did I know what I was in for... A Poll? Like a Political Poll? A Popularity Poll? What Poll?A Poll? Like a Political Poll? A Popularity Poll? What Poll? I... I couldn't resist... I'm not proud, but there it is... June 13 E3 and Me Would Be a TravestyE3 and Me Would Be a Travesty For all the gaming I do, I know I'd be just as easily pwned as this guy if I ever showed up at E3. Why must I always be caught between worlds? June 12 Did You Say Something? Did You Say Something? The University
of North Carolina has an
associate professor, Penny Gordon-Larsen, who’s been doing some
ground-breaking research lately. If you haven’t heard about this study
then listen up because this research could forever change the way you look at
marriage. In case you weren’t aware, marriage brings significant
changes into your life. Ok, you probably already knew that much, but how about
this; did you know that marriage is associated with less cigarette smoking and
overall lower mortality? Not bad so far, right? Well, there’s more! The study showed that the longer people live together or are
married to each other, the more likely they are to become overweight! No,
really! I sh*t you not! OK, let me give you a chance to catch your breath for
a second. I know that’s a lot of shock to take in at once. Ok, easy now, ready for the details? The study shows that people
with a long-term partner have a strong tendency to gain weight faster than
people of the same age who are single. You know all those people trying to
attract a mate, going out to dance clubs, playing sports with their friends,
spending hours obsessing over the smallest detail of their appearance? Those
people actually tend to be slower
in putting on the pounds! I know this study is truly rocking your world so let me
shift gears a little to give the dizziness a chance to pass. I don’t know if Penny’s married but something
tells me that the hyphen in her name is either handed down from her parents or
she herself is very recently married. Why do I think that? Well, she suggests
that her study could provide young couples with an opportunity to recognize
this likely future trend in their relationship. This would then allow them to
use their positive communication to influence one another’s behavior as
they try to avoid putting on the pounds. Well, I hate to break it to you, Penny, but I’ve been married for 15 years. According to my data, a married couple’s ability to influence each other’s behavior decreases proportionally over time with the weight gained, leaving both of you fat and defiant in the end. Let me draw you a picture:
Now, admittedly this is just a ballpark estimate but I’ll
leave it to you to check my figures. In any case, good luck with your
optimism! Oh and about those research grants from UNC, I’ve
formulated a hypothesis stating that being thirsty actually makes you drink
more water. Do you have a contact number handy? Source: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/5507729/Getting-married-or-moving-in-with-a-partner-will-make-you-fat-new-research-shows..html June 11 Four-Wheeling in the Mystery Machine Four-Wheeling in the Mystery Machine I have so much admiration for people who are active in the
community, don’t you? We have different people who walk around my office
talking about how they coach little league, or junior football, or volunteer as
a scout leader. I always listen to those people and think about their devotion
to the future of our nation’s youth. It warms the cockles of my heart,
it does. Except today. Today I suffer from comparatively cool
cockles. Why? I’m a little disillusioned with a particular community
volunteer. George Spady Jr. of Arlington,
Washington seems to have had a
somewhat narrower outlook when it comes to guiding the flower of the next
generation. He’s a little league coach who reportedly decided to take 3
of his players (one of whom is his son) for some ‘four-wheeling’. The problems started when George somehow overlooked the 'No
Trespassing' signs that were posted on the property he chose for this activity.
Then, when he noticed a vacant shop on this property, he somehow missed the 'No
Trespassing' signs on the shop and in its driveway. Things got worse when Spady went into the shop with two of
the three boys and decided to loot some light fixtures and other assorted knick-knacks.
Spady claims that the door was unlocked and they were able to simply walk in. However,
one of the boys has told a conflicting story, reporting that Spady had his son
crawl into the shop through a vent. Spady himself doesn’t remember this
particular part. He’s not denying it; he simply has no recollection of it. Spady would have gotten away with it too, if it hadn’t
been for those meddling kids… Ok, they weren’t really meddling but who could resist throwing
that line in? In any case, the whole scheme fell apart when one of the boys
told his parents about their little adventure. Spady has apologetically turned over many of the stolen
items to the police and is being charged with 2nd degree burglary. There’s
no information on whether the informant got any Scooby Snacks for telling his
story. Source: June 09 Clothes Make the Man Clothes Make the Man Robert and Catharine Pierce are complaining about their
landlord. They believe they are being subjected to discrimination because
of the way they choose to do their gardening. Robert is 58 years old and
his lovely wife is 51. They rent a house together on a picturesque street
corner in Boulder, Colorado and enjoy keeping a well-groomed
garden in their front yard. Their landlord however is complaining that this fine,
middle-aged couple is doing their gardening within visual range of a school, some
community gardens, and the general flow of traffic. The community has
voiced its concern as well and feels that the Pierces should buy their own
house and do their gardening behind a boarded fence. The issue of discrimination becomes more heated when you
consider that, as it might already appear, there’s nothing illegal about
the Pierces gardening their front yard. For that matter, the typical
community would greatly welcome tenants helping to beautify the neighborhood. Alas, beauty is in the eye of the beholder –and the
devil is in the details. The community and landlord are not taking issue with the
garden itself, but with the beauty of those tending the garden. They feel
that the Pierces’ gardening attire leaves something –well, a lot of
something- to be desired. You see, the Pierces insist on using thongs and
pasties as their gardening ensemble. Catharine dons the pasties along
with a thong while Robert prefers to sport just a thong. Since their genitals are actually (and the only thing)
covered, it turns out that they are in fact working within the parameters of
decency as defined by the law. On the other hand, since gardening
involves a lot of bending over (and among other things, we’re talking
about a 58 year old man), the community feels that the beauty in the
neighborhood is not quite what it could be. All I can say is that, for my part, everything else could be
the picture of pastoral perfection but once I noticed it, that string up
Robert’s butt would be about the only thing burning into my retinas. Sorry guys. Fail. Sources:
http://www.dailycamera.com/news/2009/jun/06/boulder-nudists-naked-gardening-nuisance-pierce/ June 08 The Young Pessimist The Young Pessimist I’ve got a little change of pace here today. My
normal tendency is to write on stuff that’s remarkable either because of
poor decision making or bad luck. Today, we have a story that’s (dare I
say it?) inspirational. Moshe Kai Cavalin is a an 11 year old boy with some pretty
lofty, yet typical, ambitions. Like any kid his age there are all kinds of
things he’d like to do when he ‘grows up’. Among them we
have things like being a movie star, competing in the Olympics, writing his own
book, and generally saving the world. Perhaps rather unlike the typical 11 year old, Moshe says
that he’d prefer not to spend his time playing video games. He feels
that they don’t do anything to help the world and are generally a waste
of time. He prefers to spend his time practicing martial arts, reading, and
maybe doing a little scuba diving or playing piano. Getting back to the ‘typical’ side of Moshe, he’s
also very interested in things like black holes, wormholes, and other
fascinating ‘space stuff’; stuff that many of us only learn about
through science fiction. Moshe, however, isn’t into science fiction at
all. Moshe is into science facts. Moshe is a child prodigy who began college at the age of 8.
He has now graduated at the tender young age of 11. Not only has he managed this
amazing feat, but he has done so with a degree in astrophysics. We’re not done yet. Moshe has completed
his degree with a GPA of 4.0 For Moshe, doing something like figuring out a wormhole is
all part of pursuing his ambitions. As for his other goals, he has already won
numerous medals in martial arts, and is currently working on a book intended to
teach kids how to learn. So his book is on teaching kids
how to learn. How’s that for being a child prodigy? At the age of 11, it
appears Moshe has already figured out that most adults are a hopeless cause
when it comes to his book. Oh well, so much for the eternal optimist. Sources: http://www.woodtv.com/dpp/news/strange/Boy_11_graduates_from_college http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,525254,00.html June 07 Drip!DRIP! I've been a little short on videos lately so I thought I would throw this in. It's not new or news, but I enjoyed it and I thought you might too. Revisionist Theology? Revisionist Theology? Hey all. It's a beautiful Sunday morning and as I was looking through the news, I came across a story that reminds me of those golden days of my youth. I've mentioned it before but, in case you weren't aware, I'm agnostic, meaning I find it necessary to die in order to answer the question of what happens after death. However, I have a Christian past -specifically Catholic- and back in my younger days, I was actually quite devout. Were it not for that background, I might not presume to write on this story but, as it is, I might have an observation or two. Ken Pagano is an American. Most people in this country would probably consider him the ideal American. Ken is a former US Marine and is currently serving as the Pastor of New Bethel Church in Louisville, Kentucky. He's a military man, a man of God, and a proponent of the second amendment to the Constitution. That's the one that gives people the right to bear arms. Ken feels so confident of his convictions that he's encouraging his parishioners to bring their guns to church and wear them on the 5th of July, as a celebration of America's Independence Day. The guns would have to be kept unloaded and there would be security to make sure. The story concludes with Marian McClure Taylor, the Executive Director of the Kentucky Council of Churches, saying that while the church promotes peace, it does allow for "arms to be taken up under certain conditions." -like this one, I suppose. Here's where my observation comes in. The story doesn't specify the denomination of the church involved (although it does refer to Ken as a 'priest') but, as I remember it, church services in Christianity are centered around things like the Last Supper, the Crucifixion, the Resurrection, etc. I can't help but point out that, when it came to weapons, there were certainly people there who were carrying them. However my general impression is that it was mostly the Roman soldiers -you know, the ones doing the arresting, the crucifying, and the guarding of the tomb. Just sayin'... Update: Looks like either a new date has been added or the original date has been changed to June 27th. Source: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/5448142/Priest-invites-parishioners-to-bring-guns-to-church-to-celebrate-Independence-Day.html Update: http://abcnews.go.com/US/story?id=7759358&page=1 |
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